Just in the nick of time I’ve decided: I’m officially not participating in NaNoWriMo this year (that’s National Novel Writing Month, for the uninitiated, and it happens each November).

And it’s not because I don’t love NaNoWriMo, I do.

But the thing is that while I love the idea of NaNoWriMo, the reality of it is that I’ve participated the last two years and I’ve never finished a novel.

I’ve never “won” NaNoWriMo.

And I can tell you right now that I wouldn’t win this year either.

And that’s the thing I don’t like about NaNoWriMo. It’s a no-holds-barred, no-excuses-allowed race for the goal of 50,000 words in less than 30 days but I know right now that for me such a race is unsustainable.

And in part that’s because I’m too busy and not willing to make the sacrifices that would be necessary (getting over my distaste for writing on the bus, giving up on sleep and my already-meager social life).

But here’s the deal: I’ve been there and done that.

If you’re familiar with my story, you know that I went to some university or other and obtained a pair of advanced degrees in just a handful of years.

So no, I’ve never written a novel. But I’ve done the sleepless nights and the coffee-until-you-think-you-might-be-sick. And I’ve done the bit where you hang out with groups of people working frantically to achieve the “win” before the deadline.

I’ve been there and done that and I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to do that again.

(But if I ever am, you can bet I’ll be taking another crack at NaNoWriMo!)

What’s dangerous about NaNoWriMo is that it invites burnout.

There was a lovely post recently over at Writerly Life about “carrying the fire” of your writing. And I think this is a lovely metaphor, because the most important thing to do if you’re carrying the fire is to keep it burning.

You must not let it burn out.

On that same post I left a comment in which I wrote (paraphrasing a bit here):

My time spent at university… left me in a place where I was emotionally and physically exhausted and totally disconnected from my creativity. I found it was easy to make the mistake of diving back in too fast and all at once, and I learned that I burned out easily if I pushed too hard, and that the price was usually months of paralyzing writers’ block and creative stagnation; however, now I feel like I’m finally approaching something that works sustainably. Am I writing daily? No, not usually. Am I writing as much as I wish I could? No, not that either.

But I am writing. Each week I find the time to write, and maybe it’s just a page or two, but to me it feels a lot like victory.

I think that, at least for now, the trick to carrying my fire is not to fan the blaze to the point of burnout, but instead to make peace with being the bearer a smaller, more sustainable flame.

And that is, in a nutshell, why I’ve decided not to participate in NaNoWriMo this year.

(And yes, I still fully intend to write a novel some day!)

I’d love to hear from you! Are you planning on participating in NaNoWriMo this year? Why or why not? Let me know in the comments below.