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When you talk to me like that

Your voice crawls 
from your throat like a monster 
with too many eyes and legs 
and it's

unexpected.


I'm trapped.


I'm         choking on your anger, 
dissolving in the 
thunderclap
that issues from your throat.

The certainty of entrapment eviscerates 
me as your tirade empties 
me out and then shakes 
me back up and leaves 
me quivering 

in the echoing vacuum that 
follows the crack 
of your voice like rope

when you talk to me 
like that.

Why you shouldn’t be afraid to publish writing that sucks

One of the realities writers have to face is this: you will write and even publish things that suck.

It’s a truth I’ve had to come to terms with as I’ve started publishing my poetry and writings online. Before I started posting things I was safe: since no one ever read my words, their suckiness (or lack thereof) was effectively irrelevant. Instead, the only thing that really mattered was how much a particular piece of writing amused me, or how much I had enjoyed the process of creating it.

As I’ve started publishing my words online, I’ve had to think more carefully about what it means if I post things that I perceive as fundamentally flawed. My conclusion: it’s more dangerous to let fear of failure paralyze you than to occasionally post writing that sucks.

The dirty secret that means it’s ok to suck

Actually, there are two secrets:

  1. Suckiness is subjective.
  2. Suckiness is a variable function of time, mood, and context.

What I think is the greatest poem ever isn’t going to do it for everyone else. The important thing is to remember that that’s just life and that it’s ok. Not every poem is going to rock the world. Nor should every poem do so. (Or else we’d be in for one very bumpy ride…)

The poem that I read and loved on a particular sunny Saturday may not do it for me on a subsequent gloomy Tuesday. That’s ok too. Sometimes you pick up a book and just can’t get into it, only to pick it up two years later and find it irresistibly compelling.

Our tastes change to suit our needs, and those are forever changing as a function of time.

Take with you whatever is of greatest value right in this particular moment.

So, what does this mean for writers?

At first, these features might sound like bad things, right?

The thought of people hating the words and ideas I’ve labored over is enough to send me to bed on a bad day, and the addendum that I may in fact have no control over other people’s thoughts can make that notion even scarier.

After all, we writers know our words inside out and upside down. We know each and every fragile sentence, with all its potential and its imperfections.

No one knows more clearly than the writer how painfully flawed the writing is.

As a writer I birth first the idea of the writing, and it’s perfect and shimmering and totally, inevitably unattainable. But it lives vividly in the mind that nonetheless I find myself compelled to try it out, to attempt to capture it’s unachievable splendor in ink and fiber, just knowing that it can never work out as well as you thought it could have.

But you still feel compelled to try.

I recently described the writing process to a friend as, “the ooky slog of watching your brilliant idea turn to ash as you attempt to render it in words on a page”.

I stand by my sentiments.

Writing is a process and it’s often an ugly, brutal one, a process that can leave the author feeling gutted, small, and incompetent. It’s a process that, inevitably, will lead to writing that sucks.

Instead of giving up, free yourself by embracing the promise of failure

I’m trying a new strategy with the content on this blog.

It’s not highly curated. I post it as it comes along and I’m not holding much back. I spend time on revisions, but I do it all myself. No one edits the work I post here but me.

And if you pay close attention you’ll notice that the pieces that show up here exist in a state of occasional flux.

Sometimes I come back later and work them over again. Sometimes the words change.

Because change is a part of the writing process. And the phrase that sang in the moment you penned it often falls hopelessly short upon re-reading.

But that’s just life, and it’s all fine.

This means it must be ok to post writing that sucks

The saving grace is that my worst poem may someday be the one that changes someone’s life.

There are far too many variables to ever hope to control for.

So I’m setting my failure free, and attempting instead to achieve only that which is deliciously imperfect.

Because what they’ve forgotten to tell us is that the road to greatness is paved, not with good intentions, but rather with uncountably many imperfections.

I invite you to join me.

Does embracing suckiness have the power to set you free? Let me know in the comments below!

As the city creeps towards midnight

The city creeps towards midnight becoming 
a raw, unfettered place,
a dark and dangerous place.

My footsteps echo, hurried over
cobblestones — pounding to the rhythm
of my too-fast beating heart.

I watch for the shadows of strangers
in the dim, orangey glow
of flickering streetlamps and passing headlights.

The city at midnight slips sideways into strangeness,
becomes a place only half-way real,
becomes a place in which the 
mouldering and abandoned spaces—
now marked only for demolition—
resuscitate
under the moon's cold scrutiny.

In the city at midnight my footsteps
tap dance to the hum
of the ghost-fiddler's tempo floating
past my eardrums on a breeze
echoing from a dark and dusty window.

In the city at midnight I walk
alone.

July 2014 Book Reviews

Welcome to the July 2014 edition of my monthly book reviews! It’s been a busy reading month for me; what about for you? I started July on a bit of a non-fiction tear and then finished up the month with a pair of really excellent works of contemporary fiction. I’m really excited to share this month’s list, and I’d love to hear what you’re reading in the comments below!

Disclaimer: This post contains Amazon affiliate links. I make a (very) small referral commission for any purchases made using my links. 

Also, because I can never resist a surplus of metrics: this month’s page count is 2,022.

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[/one_half][one_half_last]My first reading endeavor this month was Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die by Chip and Dan Heath. The authors are academics and the book takes an in-depth look at what makes some ideas effortlessly memorable, while others remain impossible. On the whole it was an interesting read, but I found the last half of the book to be something of a slog. If you’d like to learn more, check out my in-depth post on how to make a story memorable.
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[/one_half][one_half_last] In my copious spare time, I happen to be a bit of a closet nutrition/food policy wonk and Whole: Rethinking the Science of Nutrition by T. Colin Campbell presents an interesting indictment of the establishment. When reading a book like this one it’s important to keep in mind the biases of the author and as a controversial proponent of a “whole foods plant based diet” to cure the so-called Western diseases, Campbell is undoubtedly biased. However, the man-against-the-institution atmosphere turns this book into an excellent underdog story and I think the book manages to achieve a reasonably fair assessment of how agriculture, big pharma, media, academic publishing, and research funding conspire to move our healthcare system (in America) in a direction that is great for company purses, but which doesn’t do much to promote the wellness of patients.
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[/one_half][one_half_last]This month’s first foray into fiction was Half of a Yellow Sun by the Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I picked this up after having read Adichie’s more recent book, Americanah, and I have to say in my opinion Half of a Yellow Sun was by far the more enjoyable book. I really liked this one! Set in the ’60s and ’70s before and during the Nigerian civil war, Half of a Yellow Sun tells the story of the war and of life in the secessionist state of Biafra from a number of interwoven perspectives. The stories of twin sisters, their lovers (a British expat and an Igbo revolutionary), and a young servant boy twine together into a highly compelling narrative chronicling the rise and fall of the Biafran state. Warnings for graphic depictions of human cruelty and suffering and some unusually frank sexual content.

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[/one_half][one_half_last]As much as I enjoyed Half of a Yellow Sun, I think that All the Light We Cannot See: A Novel by Anthony Doerr ranks as my favorite read for this month. All the Light We Cannot See is set before, during, and after WWII and is the joint narrative of a blind girl (Marie-Laure) living in France and a brilliant German boy (Werner), an orphan who becomes a student at the Nazi Nationalpolitische Erziehungsanstalten. Their disparate paths collide during the bombing of the German-occupied city of Saint-Malo, in August 1944. Vividly imagined and utterly compelling, this book swept me up and carried me away. I’m not much of one for re-reading books, but this is one I may have to come back to someday. I highly recommend it!

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That’s it for me for July. Are you off to pick up a copy of any of these? Have a book you read last month that you’re dying to talk about? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Tired of waiting for my monthly wrap-ups? I talk about what I’m reading each week in my email newsletter.

It lingers within

I felt the beast that sits within me grow.
Stretched, my edges thinning—
boundaries dissolving as I blurred, 
unable to see clearly through 
clouded eyes, and knew myself mortal.  
Buffeted by the onslaught
of my ever-coming end.

The hands on the clock march onward.
Their years make mockery of 
the seconds I myself have counted 
from their cracked and yellowed face.
The sum of all my breaths—
mere meagre seconds to 
the centuries contained within 
their wisdom.

The beast stirs—threatens to waken and
I quiet myself. Breathe deeply.

I hum a tune, a lullaby 
I only half-remember 
and do my best to soothe it back, 
once more to deepend slumber.

I feel its weight to shift and settle,
curled to rest once more against 
the pulsing structure of my heart.
Thumping eagerly against the edges
of consciousness.

Secure in the knowledge that
for now—
for in this moment only—


my death has been averted.