It’s a snow day here in Boston, which seems like the perfect time to write to you about quiet because a snow day always brings the most delicious hush to the city. People stay huddled up inside their homes and the silence is interrupted only by the howling of the winds and the thunderous scraping of the plows as they drive by…

The general bustle and lack of quiet is hands down my least favorite thing about living in the city. Those of you who are highly sensitive like me will probably understand my dismay at how difficult it is to shut out the world around you in the city (no amount of headphones or ear plugs is really sufficient in my experience).

But despite these challenges, my life seems likely to be tied to the city for a number of years still, and so I’ve been thinking about ways in which I can consciously create more quiet for myself in the city.

And if you don’t live in a city, or are not highly sensitive and are starting to wonder if this post is for you — here’s the thing. I believe that most of the time our circumstances are not entirely ideal.

Life doesn’t provide us with exactly all of the things we need in order to thrive.

I think it’s easy to look around at our lives and think, “If I just had an on-demand supply of peace and quiet, then life would be perfect…” (or whatever it is that you’re longing for).

But life is a complex optimization problem. Yes, I could move somewhere quieter — but then I might need to own a car and I really, really enjoy not needing to drive or find parking in Boston. Yes, I could move out of the city altogether — but then I might have to change my job and I like my job quite a bit these days and I don’t really want to give that up either.

So life is a series of compromises, which means that the best way forward lies in learning to make the best of a less-than-ideal situation — and learning to do this effectively means learning to harness your ability to look for creative solutions to the situations that trouble you.

For example, one of the paradoxical ways in which I am bringing more quiet into my life is by listening to more music.

On its surface this seems like a pure contradiction — but since I’m stuck hearing noise either way, one of the things I can do is I can try to take control of what noises I’m hearing. Using noise that has a neutral or positive effect on my mood to cover over less-pleasant noises (like the cars driving by outside or a coworker’s loud conversation), is actually really helpful.

And because my emotions are less jangly and aggravated when I’m not being disturbed by other people, I feel more quiet and grounded inside myself. By adding more of a specific kind of noise to my life I can actually increase the number of hours I experience a kind of quiet.

Trying to live the very best version of your life means looking for ways in which you can better all the parts that aren’t working for you until you’re doing everything in your power to maximize your happiness.

The truth that took me years to learn is that we have a shocking amount of control over how we experience our circumstances. By making small changes that move the needle just a little bit in the right direction we can dramatically improve our day-to-day experience.

I know this for sure because I used to be pretty unhappy with my circumstances, even just a few years ago. I really disliked living in the city and yearned for the small-town lifestyle I grew up with. I was dissatisfied with my job and I spent a long time seriously considering changing careers.

And then something magical happened.

I graduated from my life coach training program and I changed exactly nothing about my life (literally not a single detail), but I radically changed my beliefs and how I show up in the world.

I reclaimed a lot of my agency and discovered that I liked my circumstances quite a lot once I’d removed all the layers of suffering I’d layered in on top of the reality of how things were.

So you may not always be able to control your circumstances (I cannot magically call in a snow storm to bring me some peace and quiet whenever I need it…), but how you feel about the circumstances you find yourself in is surprisingly malleable.

Sometimes all it takes is a few small shifts in how you approach your life in order to make a really big difference in how you feel.

Because the truth as I know it, is that I am happiest when I am able to exercise my agency, my creativity, and my power to satisfy my needs and create the life I yearn for right here, right now.

My wish is that you might come to learn and wield this power, too.

So my question for you today is what do you need? What are you longing for? And how might you be able to create even the tiniest scrap of that thing in your life right here, right now? 

Much love,
Jessica

P.S. If there’s something you’re longing to create in your life but you’re struggling to actually do it, I’d like to invite you to consider the option of private coaching with me. While the concepts that lead us to freedom are in some sense universal, the barriers are often very individual and working privately with a coach can be the most effective way to overcome your unique barriers and see real results. If this interests you, click here to schedule a free conversation with me and learn more about what I offer my private clients.